We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
