Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
