Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
