Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
