It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
