I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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