If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He shit in the fireplace
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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