I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
