We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
