I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
