your room smells of hookers.
And success
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Couch. On fire.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
