So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
