Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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