When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
