You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
