Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
