I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
