I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize