Im at strip club and am horny
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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