Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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