Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
