Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
