when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
