the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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