I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
