Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize