i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
