I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
