So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dick very happy bro
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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