dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think I just sharted jello shots
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