If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its not stalking. its research.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
