you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
