I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
