so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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