my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
