There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
