I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
