omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The adults are the big ones right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
