do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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