dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
