That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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