New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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