I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
