Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I understand Curling. That high.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
