Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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