her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
