I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
