there's paper in my vomit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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