Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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