so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize