i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
