Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
