I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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