WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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