Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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