There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
