Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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