Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
