My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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