umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
