and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize