I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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