You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
