Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you never un-have a 4some
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
